Cooking as Care: Raising Kids Who Show Up for Others
How Cooking Gives Kids Agency to Show Gratitude
Sharing my cooking with others makes me endlessly happy. The moment I see someone genuinely enjoy something I made with my own hands is powerful. I can watch and know that my effort brought someone joy. That feeling matters. It’s the precious experience of your labor benefiting someone else. It’s doing something kind and watching it have an effect in the world. And we can give our kids access to that feeling.
Cooking as a Form of Gratitude
Food and love have always been connected. Across cultures and communities, cooking is one of the primary ways we show up for one another — when there’s a new baby, when someone is sick, during holidays, or in hard seasons.
Cooking is a tangible expression of care. For adults, it’s often already in our toolbox as a way to show gratitude and love. For kids, that toolbox is smaller. They can’t always buy gifts. They may not have the language to write the perfect note. They don’t always know what to do when someone is struggling.
But they can cook. And that can change everything.
When we expand their understanding of what cooking can be, it stretches far beyond birthday celebrations. It becomes a way to show up in happy moments and hard ones alike — a practical, powerful way to say, I care about you.
Giving Kids Agency to Show Care
In school and at home, we talk with our kids constantly about kindness. We teach the Golden Rule. We read books about empathy. We remind kids to include others. We insist that they share their toys. Parents deeply value these lessons, and rightly so. Research from the Making Caring Common Project at Harvard Graduate School of Education consistently shows that most parents say raising caring, kind children is one of their highest priorities.
But here’s the tricky part: kids need practice showing care, not just talking about it. Cooking gives them that practice. When a kid makes cookies for a neighbor, prepares muffins for a teacher, or brings a dish to a family gathering, they participate as contributing members of their community. They are not just receiving care — they are offering it.
When kids repeatedly experience themselves as someone who can show up for others, that becomes part of how they see themselves. They begin to identify as kind and caring, and they feel the joy of that identity.
Perspective-Taking in the Kitchen
Cooking for someone else requires a subtle but powerful shift in perspective:
What would they like?
Not what I want.
Not what’s easiest.
Not what’s my favorite.
What would bring them joy?
What could bring them comfort?
That’s the hard work of perspective-taking, but it’s easier if we can make it concrete. Personalizing food requires noticing, remembering, and thinking beyond yourself. It makes empathy tangible.
The Reward System of Kindness
Doing kind things feels good. Research in psychology and neuroscience shows that acts of generosity activate the brain’s reward system. When we give, our brains release chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin. We feel good when we do good and this makes us more likely to do it again.
When kids bake something for someone and watch them take a bite and smile, they feel the impact of their effort. They experience a direct connection between their work and care and someone else’s joy.
From the inside, kids begin to understand what it takes to make something for someone else. Food becomes more than something that appears on the table. It becomes something created through care. It is something to be proud of and something to be grateful for. And once they feel that “helper’s high,” they want to feel it again.
How Parents Can Deepen the Experience
If you want to lean into cooking as care, make the caring explicit.
Before baking, ask:
“Who is this for?”
“What do they love?”
“How do you know?”
“What have you seen them enjoy?”
While cooking, narrate:
“We’re putting time into this because we care about them.”
“Kindness takes effort. That’s what makes it meaningful.”
After sharing, reflect:
“How did it feel to give that?”
“What did you notice about their reaction?”
“Would you want to do that again?”
These conversations help kids connect effort to empathy and action to impact.
Cooking can teach many skills — executive functioning, perseverance, independence. But it can also teach one of the most important lessons we hope our kids learn:
You can bring joy to the world.
Your effort matters.
You are capable of caring for others.
Learn to cook. Cook to care.
